On December 3rd it was my birthday so my family and i went to the water park. my sister Kylie went down a water slide and broke her leg. my mom and dad had to rush the hospital. when we got there Kylie got her cast. while Kylie was sitting down the docter handed Kylie two small crutches. Kylie grabbed the crutches from the doctors hand and walked outside. Kylie asked her parents to help her get into the car but they were exhausted. when she got home she went to bed. in the morning she went to school and shared her story.
This is a interesting story and its very creative. One thing you need to work on is your grammar. Don't forget to capitalize wen you start a new sentence.
ReplyDeleteI like how you included a birthday and how you masterfully included the "but they were exhausted". You could have worked on using more descriptive words.
ReplyDeleteGreat Story. Try to shorten the use of "Kylie." Capitalize the I in I went to the waterpark. Use caps when you start a new sentence. I like how you incorporated the prompt word.
ReplyDeleteI love the way you made it "two small crutches" instead of "crutches" I also like the fact that she appeared calm through all that. Try to stretch the story a little more so she won't just go to bed.
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